Coming of age is a young person's transition
from childhood to adulthood. The age at which this transition takes place
varies in society, as does the nature of the transition. It can be a simple legal convention or can be
part of a ritual, as practiced by many societies. In the past and in some societies today, such
a change is associated with the age of sexual maturity (early adolescence); in
others, it is associated with an age of religious responsibility.
Particularly in western societies, modern legal
conventions which stipulate points in late adolescence or early adulthood (most
commonly 16-21 years old when adolescents are generally no longer considered minors
and are granted the full rights of an adult) are the focus of the transition. In either case, many cultures retain ceremonies
to confirm the coming of age and significant benefits come with the change.
In Ancient Greek, the process of coming of age
usually began right at child birth. The child would receive gifts, riddles and
symbols of adulthood. In certain states in Ancient Greece, such as Sparta and Crete,
adolescent boys were expected to enter into a mentoring relationship with an
adult man, in which they would be taught skills pertaining to adult life, such
as hunting, martial arts and fine arts.
Today, in the United States and in Canada, when a
child reaches the age of 17 he or she is allowed to drive and sometimes
receives the responsibility of owning their own car. Girls' 16th birthdays are traditionally called
Sweet Sixteen. Depending on the family's
religion or family background, there may be a ceremony signifying their coming
of age. A person 21 years of age is
considered an adult in Canada and in the United States.
As children
grow older, those of the old spirituality are reclaiming ceremonies
that acknowledge and celebrate the children's growth towards adulthood. This is
an area fraught with indecision for some parents, however. How do you celebrate a Wiccan ritual for a
child coming of age?
For
girls, the coming of age comes at their first menstruation. For some that could
be as early as 9 or as late as 15. But
during the old days, this was a celebration of life. Today and when I was
young, it was something to be hidden, spoken about in hushed tones giving a
young girl a feeling of shame. Many Pagan
mothers are trying
to bring back some of the old customs which celebrate this coming into womanhood.
The daughter is taken to dinner, thrown a party or given a special piece of
jewelry to commemorate the occasion.
With
boys, the timing of celebrating sexual maturity is less defined. It can be at
the time of a boy's first wet dream, of the appearance of secondary sexual
characteristics like beard and pubic hair or his conscious assuming the
responsibilities of a man such as hunting or protecting.
Rites
in Nordic cultures to prove one was finally a man were just as important as the
naming rites. A known coming of age
ceremony was the slaying of the auroch, a primitive buffalo-like beast that
roamed ancient Europe. A lone individual
would be required to slay this beast and bring back its horns as a token of his
victory. Sometimes, these horns might be
attached to a special helm for ritual use.
A trophy of sorts to remind others that this person is a man.
The
children today are entering puberty at earlier and earlier ages. For example,
it's not unusual to find a girl beginning to menstruate at 8 or 9 years old.
Children barely into their early teen years, are having children of their own.
The physical development our children's bodies have raced light years ahead of
their emotional development. Some of the
old tribal ways don't work in today's modern society.
One
common coming of age is 13 years old. To
some it represents the '1' individual person stepping onto the divine path of
the '3' Goddesses. The child should be told that every
year, from now till 17, on their birthday, they will be given both new
privileges and new responsibilities. Each
privilege, each responsibility, will train and define them as adults. At 18,
they will be a legal adult -- all responsibilities, all privileges theirs. But it won't be until the 20th birthday that
there will be a ritual to officially end the journey as a child. They will now be expected
to act like an adult.
Types of privileges and responsibilities
might include: getting the child their own phone line or give them their own
clothing budget. A responsibility might
be for you to tell them that from now on, they're responsible for doing their
own laundry or, when they're older, for paying their own bills (including the
phone bill). Every year build on their
adult like responsibilities of cleaning, budgeting, cooking, driving or other
items. It could also be a spiritual duty
such as a pagan name, joining a coven or exploring other paths and religions. And as you give them these privileges and
responsibilities, treat them a little differently, more like an adult; to be
respected, considered an equal, consulted in family matters, etc.
The journey could be started with some
alone time to reflex on this path. There
should be an adult nearby, but otherwise the child should be on their own for
the night, either camping out in the wilderness or alone in the house. If necessary, you can put the them out in a
tent in the back yard for the night or in a room at someone else's house.
Tell them that they will also, this night,
search for their spirit guide, totem, guardian angel, whatever; a force, spirit
or deity to help them on their journey. You should gift the child with the
tools that their Goddess-Mother, God-Father made for them at their naming
ritual; these are for their use now, so that they can use them in the ritual
they will do tonight.
You should have a brief sending off ritual
with parents, family, friends and the child’s Goddess-Mother and God-Father. Ask
the Gods to bless the child and help them on the first step of their journey! Say good night and leave them to find themselves!
Have a vigil going nearby, so that if
any trouble develops, he or she can call out.
In the morning, go get them. Celebrate at breakfast and give the child their
first new privileges or new responsibilities.
Answer any questions they developed.
You should encourage your child to set up their own altar in their own
room or change their altar now that they have new tools and a new guardian. Help them find other tools to compliment the
two new ones and a figure or symbol to represent their new found spiritual
guide, deity or totem. They can
have a birthday party that following weekend to celebrate socially.
Similar
rituals can be done at 16, 20 or 21 years old depending on your path and culture. There are many ways to honor a child coming
of age into adulthood. Today, celebrating this coming of age can change
an awkward, scary or unpleasant experience into a joyous event that makes a young
person feel special. Include the child into what
they would like to do. Mix in what you
or your parents had for a ritual. It can
be a group or individual ritual. Or it
can be a general social party. Or even a
mix of events, like a weeklong trip somewhere.
Don't worry about a small detail that does not go exactly right. Just recognize the changes and celebrate your
child growing up.
Though
now I am an adult,
I am still your child.
No matter where I go
and no matter who I become
I will always be your child.
I will not forget what I have learned here.
I am still your child.
No matter where I go
and no matter who I become
I will always be your child.
I will not forget what I have learned here.
Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
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