Rites of Passage: Marriage
These rituals were connected to the change of status and
transitions in life a person experiences, such as birth, marriage and death.
Spring
is here and love is in the air! For many
people of Pagan and Wiccan faiths, this is the time of year for a handfasting
ceremony. A couple who wishes to be
married in a Wiccan or Pagan ceremony is handfasted. A handfasting is not a legally binding
ceremony and traditionally either member of the couple may choose to end the
partnership at any time. More and more
Wiccan and Pagan clergy are becoming licensed ministers, however, so a
handfasting may be accompanied by a legal marriage license if the couple
chooses.
You’ve
probably heard someone refer to marriage as “tying the knot” or “giving one’s
hand.” Originally the word handfast came
into English from Old Norse languages and meant the act of sealing any bargain
by taking hands. From the 12th to the
17th century handfasting in England referred to a ceremony, usually about a
month prior to a church wedding, at which the marrying couple formally declared
that each accepted the other as spouse. The
Scottish also showed some records of a handfast or 'left-handed' marriage
taking place as recently as the late 1600s.
In rural areas, it could be weeks or even months before a clergyman
happened to stop by your village, so couples learned to make allowances. Some would use grape vines, ribbon or knotted
fabrics to symbolize the giving of each other's hand. Generally this was done in the presence of witnesses.
After
the beginning of the 17th century gradual changes in English law meant the
presence of an officiating priest or magistrate became necessary for a marriage
to be legal. The word handfasting fell
by the wayside for many centuries. In
the 1950s, when the witchcraft laws were repealed in England, various
occultists and witches - including Gerald Gardner and Doreen Valiente -
searched for a non-Christian term for their wedding ceremonies. They settled on handfasting and the concept
was resurrected within the Neopagan movement.
Dormant
for so long, the idea of the handfasting ceremony has enjoyed a huge rise in
popularity. Prince William and Kate
Middleton had a handfasting incorporated into their marriage. One benefit of having a handfasting ceremony
is it's not the same as a legal wedding, there are more options available to
people in non-traditional relationships. Anyone can have a handfasting -- same-sex
couples, polygamous families, transgender couples, etc. Either way, it's becoming more and more
popular, as Pagan and Wiccan couples are seeing that there is indeed an
alternative for non-Christians who want more than just a courthouse wedding.
Handfastings
are usually done outdoors, as pagans feel that nature is the most appropriate
place to celebrate a ritual of life, love and fertility. For this reason, handfastings are most
commonly performed in the warmer months and especially at Beltane, the Pagan
holy day dedicated to growth, sexual union and the start of summer. It is also often at sunrise or sunset, when both the Sun and Moon are present.
Pagan handfastings are most often conducted with
guests and witnesses standing in a circle around the couple. The circle
symbolizes the womb of the Goddess and this ritual area can be marked out
ritually either by the couple or by the officiating priestess/priest prior to the
actual handfasting. In the center of the
circle is a small table with the four basic elements (bowl of earth/soil to the
north, bowl of water/seashells to the west, bowl of air/feathers to the east
and a bowl of oil/candle to the south). It
is also usual at this point for Divinity to be invoked, often in the form of
the Goddess and the God.
Some handfastings have a bonfire or coincide with a sabbat. Others jump a broom or mix in other religion
vows into the ceremony. In some versions
of the tradition, the couple is tied at the wrist for the entire ceremony. In many pagan ceremonies, the bride and groom
cross arms and join hands, creating the infinity symbol (¥) with the hands. The
clergyperson performing the ceremony will join the couple's hands with a cord
or ribbon during the ritual. With the
couple's hands bound together with cord, symbolizing their union, they speak their
vows, trade rings or other tokens may be exchanged. Other tokens might be the man coming to the ceremony wearing a hammer of Thor to place around
his bride's neck to ensure her protection. In some versions the couple's hands are
untied once they have kissed, but in others one hand remains bound until the
union has been physically consummated in private. While some people may choose to have their
handfasting be a permanent bond, others might declare it to be valid for
"a year and a day", at which point they will re-evaluate the
relationship and determine whether to continue or not. And of course, some sort of party or feast
ends the handfasting day.
As with marriages between non-Pagans, sometimes Pagan
marriages don't work out. Pagans have the same separation options as
non-Pagans. They recognize that ending a marriage is as serious an undertaking
as getting married and some choose to hold a separation ceremony to formally
end their spiritual union, handparting.
Separation ceremonies are also usually
written by the couple, but they don't need to be presided over by a legally
recognized officiate even if the couple is receiving a legal divorce. The ceremonies are sometimes performed before
the couple's coven, kindred, grove, friends and families, but can also be
performed in private. The ceremonies are
designed to help couples amicably end their relationship and ease the emotional
pain that accompanies breakups. In many
rituals, the knotted ribbon from the handfasting is cut in two and burned to
symbolize the handparting.
Frigg
was the wife of the all-powerful Odin and was considered a Goddess of fertility
and marriage within the Norse pantheon. A couple devoted to Norse and Anglo-Saxon
deities might choose a Friday as their handfast day, the day sacred to the
Goddess Frigg, protector of marriage and childbirth.
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